Interestingly enough it’s all the same stuff, really. My mental health, my physical health, spiritual health, and the people I love. I see it clearer now that that’s what’s most important to me.
What was most important to you before you had to social distance?
I think what I’ve realized now is what I was focusing on before that didn’t matter. Trivial things, like not keeping up with the way my friends are succeeding. This has sort of leveled the playing field for everyone. Nobody can do anything and this sense of competition that I always feel that’s just nonstop in my life–that’s crazy that I spent so much time thinking that way. I still feel a little bit of it now, but I was focusing on a lot of negative opinions of myself and now I’m realizing what a waste of time that is.
What’s the first thing you’ll do when this is over?
The first thing I’ll do is go out to a bar and get beer and chicken wings, just eat out somewhere. The second thing I’m going to do is touch every public surface that I can. I didn’t realize how much I do that. I know that’s kind of gross to say–I want to lean up against the fence– but I can’t, I’m terrified to touch everything. I’m going to run up and touch every fucking flag post and every walk button sign.
What are you doing to pass the time?
My routine isn’t even that different because I worked odd hours. I do yoga, I make a nice breakfast, I make a decaf latte, and then I try to fill the day with a walk, puzzles, writing, journaling. I just made a list of goals to focus on while here. Things like learning to play the ukulele. I brought it with me and of course I still haven’t done it–I’ve been here for two weeks and I haven’t touched it. What I’m realizing now–time wasn’t stopping me before because whatever I wasn’t accomplishing before, I’m not accomplishing now. It’s going to take a real shift in energy. If I really want to do this, I will do it. Writing is helping me get through this. Focusing on my normal daily activities and then expanding to what’s going to keep me sane every day.
What makes you happy right now?
My cats for sure make me happy. Living in a place where I can put my feet on the grass. We also live right next to this really beautiful old cemetery–I know that sounds really morbid and silly in this scenario–but taking walks through the cemetery every day is nice. And being with my boyfriend–it’s nice to have a partner to go through this with.
What would you tell yourself two months ago with the knowledge you have today?
Breathe more and forgive myself more. I think I had so much pent-up self-resentment. I was in the middle of going through a huge emotional shift, and I’m really glad that I started that before this, but I think I would have come into this a little more open, loving, and accepting if I had been in a place of already forgiving myself for mistakes that I felt like I had made. It’s hard to come into–boom–here’s isolation–you have all this time to think about all of the things you’ve screwed up and I think had I had a little bit more forgiveness before I came into this I think it would have been a smoother transition. Learn to like leftovers a little bit more.